I don’t know if you have ever experienced this but I have. I did, within the last week. You go through what feels like a downturn. A dark hour, day, or maybe days. I think right now, with all that is going on in the world, with being isolated, it has increased the occurrences and length of these dark times. You see for me I was feeling almost lost like I was an island and all the water was rushing by me but none of it was interacting with me. It’s a horrible spot to sit for someone like me who does thrive through interaction. I even at the lowest point questioned my sanity. It was at that point I knew I needed to have a conversation.
The first conversation was with my husband. I sent him a text which read … I’m scared, I think I’m losing my mind. He immediately picked up the phone called me. We talked through what was going on. He relayed some noticings he had had and it calmed me. I was not alone. I had a lifeline. Not long after that conversation one of my mentors, Jennifer Hough, called me. Her first words to me were … what’s going on? You see I had posted a comment on a private FB page that I was feeling like an island in the stream of the group. Jennifer and I spoke for a bit and, in that conversation, it became apparent that even though I thought I had dealt with some issues in my life I had only dealt with them to resolve the most traumatic part. But there were some underlying things I had stuffed into the very back recesses of my memories. Not on purpose. Not intentionally to not do deal with them. I just left them there because in my mind I had moved past that point in my life.
Two more conversations were had at this time. One was with another mentor and friend Jeannie Selda. We talked about the fact that this was coming up now because it was time to shed it. Time to move beyond it. I said to her that I was tired of having to get a whack up the back of the head by the universe for me to release things. She laughed and said she understood. Then she reminded me it was only a preceptive whack as it really was all in divine time and exactly the way it best served me that it was coming up the way it was. The other conversation was with my amazing friend Fiona Shade. I laid it all out for her and told her about my other conversations. At the end of that conversation, it was clear to me that it was time to release a section of what was lingering. In our conversation, she mentioned that it would open me in a different way to assist women with Angela Unlimited. It would give me more insight into being more vulnerable and sharing on another level. It was like a huge weight had been lifted.
After those conversations came an opening and I posted a video I did to the Angela Unlimited FB page. I had done the video after coming back from my very first motorcycle ride of the season. As I said in the video, it was the first time I didn’t have an old voice cautioning me of my ride and telling me all the ways I wasn’t an adequate rider. Instead, I got on my bike and went for a beautiful ride through the country. I sang to the cows as I rode by and I smiled the whole time I was out. It felt so good. I felt so alive. Oh my, I had taken another step in remembering me. The me at my heart, the me at my essence because I had allowed myself to be free of the voice.
I’m sharing this with you because my vision of Angela Unlimited is to have conversations with women to activate them to come out of the shadows. To shed the layers limiting them. You see I have been there. I let my voice be silenced because of the layers that piled on me over the years. I spent two-thirds of my life listening to all the limiting things I was being told and I internalized them. Then through conversations, like I mentioned above, I have opened myself to be able to use my voice to activate others to regain/remember theirs. You see with remembering who you truly are and using your voice you gain immense freedom.
I feel very blessed in the life I’m living now. It wasn’t always that way as when I was living in struggle and fairly heavy shadows it didn’t feel like I was blessed at all. I think the reason for that is you can’t see the light inside yourself when you are consumed with the shadows which, for me, were made out of self-doubt, shame, extremely negative self-talk, and having people around that enhanced the shadows. As I said, I have been there and I know first hand the toll it takes on you mentally, physically, and emotionally. So please do reach out and have a conversation to start or to continue to lift the shadows from your life. You are never alone. I would be happy to have a one on one conversation to determine the level of assistance I can be for you. Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and take a step toward reducing the shadows you are currently in.