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Entitlement

December 5, 2018

We hear in almost every conversation these days, or at least this is how it feels, about the Millennial generation and how entitled they are. When I wrote the word entitlement what I meant was people feeling entitled to know what you are thinking, doing, feeling. I’m talking about those people who feel they have a right to know everything about you all the time. Well here is the thing, they don’t.

Now when you encounter those types of people and I’m pretty sure we all have. I always felt in the past that I owed them an explanation or I owed them a snippet of something while screaming inside, “why can’t somethings just be mine”. Well here is the deal, they totally can be and here is why. What is in your heart and in your mind is totally yours 1,000% and no one is entitled to know what any of it is. What happens is we want to share because we want to feel part of a community. We want to have people close to us. We want to have people to share with and talk with and love and play with … but even with your most trusted confidant in the world (mine is my husband), you don’t have to say everything out loud. You get to share as much or as little as you want in any given circumstance. It is truly your choice.

I’ve had several situations in my life that I have opened up to people because of the circumstances and then later had those people think that they are entitled to everything after that time. And, if you don’t tell them, you somehow become closed off, horrible, a bitch, and the list goes on. How about being in someone else’s life because they need a hand up at that time. End of story, no strings attached, no entitlement to the next however many years or things that come up. How about truly giving without expectation.

I have had this situation come up in the past, and recently. The words … I helped you through this difficult time and now you won’t tell me this … I thought our relationship was real … at least it was to me … almost makes me sick, it definitely makes me cringe. The cringe is because it is so manipulative and inauthentic it makes my eye twitch. It goes to another piece I wrote about bullying because it is another form of it. You feel you are entitled to know everything about me and, therefore, you are going to bully me until I tell you. From where I sit that is not okay and it is the most insidious type of bullying because it comes underhanded from a place of you owe me and I’m entitled.

How about this for a change of scenery, landscape, thought pattern. How about we are just there for other people we care about no strings, nothing except a hand up because right now they need it. What do you think the world would look like then? I think people would actually share more who they are at their essence. I think people would allow themselves to be seen. I truly feel called to assist to help people to be seen and heard. I do this truly from my heart as for many, many … okay all my life until just the last couple of years, I wanted to be seen for who I am. Who I am at my heart level. Unfortunately, over the years because there were so many people in my life that wanted to manipulate me, bully me, and be entitled to everything I hid. I hid and I built walls. I made myself as small as possible so everyone else around me could be bigger, better, smarter, and the list goes on. Here’s the thing, when you contract who you are it puts so much stress on you. At some point that stress will have to come out. And the way it comes out may not be pretty. I had to go through a really dark period of my life to learn I was never meant to be small and dim my light for anyone. Some of those people who required me to dim my light or felt entitled to a part of me because they had been of assistance at some point have left my life. On occasion, some pop back in but others have completely gone. And it is all okay. Not saying it doesn’t sting sometimes, because it does, but it really is okay and the reason is not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.

So here is the way I think about the whole entitlement issue from the standpoint we have been discussing. That part of entitlement is full of manipulation, bullying, and you don’t deserve it and the person being that way toward you doesn’t deserve to share in the wonderfulness of you. At times it will feel uncomfortable as these people move through your life but that is really okay. In the end, the person you need to stay true to is you. As those people move through and out you will see that new people who see you for who you truly are will enter. Those people will be there when you need a hand up and not expect a pound of flesh in return. They will just be there with an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, if needed, or to just sit quietly with you. When you have moved through what they assisted with it will simply be them continuing beside you … no more, no less. Doesn’t that feel like a much nicer way to live? A more joyful way to live? As I wrote that my whole body felt at peace because it feels authentic and expansive.

Today let’s be on the journey of being ourselves. Being what we feel in our hearts. Let’s let everyone else be themselves. If others choose to be manipulative, a bully or entitled to part of you, that is theirs. Let it pass through your life even though it is uncomfortable and it may require some action. But let it pass through because it will. If you choose to be you, those people cannot stay in your life because they have no purpose as their tricks don’t work on you so they will move on. If we all continue to do that, don’t you think that type of behaviour will go the way of the Dodo bird?

I think we are all instruments of change. I know the change I want to be and that is being me and shining my light. What type of change do you want to be? It truly is your choice and no one else’s!

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