I have to keep moving forward. My way is my way and no one else’s. What works for me can be a suggestion from others to try, to help me decipher their way. The kicker is no one can say this is exactly the thing you need to do because it won’t work. My knowledge, experience, and heart open me up a whole other way because we are unique individuals. And truly, thank god for that! I mean, really, how boring if we were all the same and everything was as simple as here do this … truly boring.
The simple words that kept me going and still do are I know there is more to life than this and I know there is more to me than this! Those are the words that kept the light turned on inside me. They’re the words that kept me moving forward through the shadows I was in. Even now as I come more and more to stand in the light those words keep driving me forward. Yes at times I acquiesced to my situation and what was happening but I did that to survive and live another day. But my heart kept saying I know there is more!!
None of those situations define me. None of those situations are me. They were things that happened that I made my way through. They moved me forward on my trajectory. There is no one way or right way to go through life. There are thousands of ways as we move forward, probably even millions. There are as many paths as we have choices. But if we want to live through our life on point, on purpose, we will always be redirected back to our trajectory. We are always redirected but when we are deep in the shadows, deep in the weeds, we don’t notice the signs, and the redirects the same. Sometimes we see them but we aren’t sure what to do with them or even if we should believe them. Almost like, that can’t be for me because I’m not worth that, or I can’t possibly do that.
Our ego is such a funny thing. It truly loves to have a voice and it loves to be heard. So the more we listen to it the louder it gets and sometimes it gets so loud that’s all we can hear. There is nothing wrong with that and you are not a horrible person because you are in that spot. But it takes a choice and a willingness to move from that spot. Mine was … I know there is more … to me … to life. That was my heart whisper calling me home. It was me reminding me I’m important, I matter even when outside my heart everything was swirling telling me I didn’t.
You see the less I mattered the more I isolated on the inside. I could be in a room of people and be isolated because no one ever really noticed I wasn’t talking. Or, if they did notice, most just thought I was quiet or shy. Well, I really wasn’t either, I just couldn’t see the light. The light that shone so bright when I was a little girl. There were glimpses of it and those glimpses make me feel good today when I think of them.
I’ll share two with you. The first one is … I stopped to visit a friend who I had known for many years and then we drifted apart. I stepped inside the door of her and her husband’s business. He greeted me and I said, “Hi,” and smiled. Now you have to understand he had met me twice and had not seen me in about 15 years. A warm smile came across his face and he said I know that smile and went to get his wife. It brought me such joy because he remembered my smile.
I had a similar experience a couple of years ago at a friend’s wedding. I was sitting chatting with another couple who were long time friends with the bride and groom. The husband, all of a sudden said. “I have been trying to place who you are and just now when you smiled it hit me … I know you.” He went on to describe a bunch of events to show he did. Again it made me happy and warmed my heart because it was evidence there was more to me. By being me I had an impact on people because years later, out of context, my smile reconnected us.
Of late, with all the madness and the craziness going on, I had let those reminders slip away and I had let shadows of past situations ring more true. But as sure as there is night there is day. As sure as there are clouds there is sun. And as sure as there is darkness there is light. It’s the contrast that shows up in our lives that move us forward. It moves us forward by us making choices of a different way, a different thought.
I’ll come back to an earlier thought and that is those choices and thoughts are uniquely yours and the people around you that want to assist or sometimes hinder are making suggestions. But just like you have a choice of a different way, you have a choice to listen. You have a choice to decide if it feels right to you in your knowing. Because at the end of the day we all have our heart whispers … we all have our knowing and sometimes we just need to be able to say things out loud, to be heard, for us to remember that! I still to this day hear the words .. there is more to life, there is more to me, and it reminds me I’m not meant to be in the shadows. I’m meant to be uniquely me in the light.