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To Belong or Not to Belong? That’s the question.

June 12, 2020

You might wonder at that statement but this is something that I have struggled with my whole life and I think a number of you might have as well. As a very young girl, I wanted to fit in with everyone at school. I wanted to have a ton of friends and be liked by everyone. Oh … you know where I’m going with this one for sure. Of course, that was an unrealistic dream and expectations I tried to live up to but couldn’t make happen. What I didn’t understand at that point was you aren’t meant to be friends with everyone. It is impossible. 

So I spent a lot of my time trying to get it right and trying to do what it took for people to like me. When I got to high school trying to fit in became even more challenging because there were way more kids and they came from varied backgrounds. I spent grades 9 through 13 trying so hard to fit in but what I felt was I didn’t fit with any of the groups. It always felt like I was on the edge of several groups but never in anyone in particular. What I didn’t realize then but do now is it is a gift to be able to be a part of many groups. 

For most of us, we want to belong to a community of sorts. It’s in our DNA. Unfortunately, for some of us, our ego gets a hold of that through our personality and twists it into a need to belong. Then because we have gone through our life listening to our inner chatter what this means to us is we see this as a failure, a character flaw. How crazy is that!

I decided to write this post because lately, I have been going through a bout of feeling like I don’t fit. I felt like I was back in high school and the cool girls were getting all the attention and I was pushed to the sidelines for no one to see even though I desperately wanted to be seen. Ah … there’s the word … desperately. Once I’m in that mindset I have a defence mechanism that kicks in to protect me. My mind goes to the place … fine I don’t need anyone. I don’t need to be a part of anything. Oh but the best one is … I bet no one will even notice that I’m not engaging. 

My ego/inner chatter is so amazing it can go from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds flat. But this time when it happened I became curious about why I was being shown this at this particular time. After all, aren’t we all a bit on our own at the moment in this crazy time of COVID. Isn’t it interesting I got a smack in my face of feeling like I don’t fit in? I let it roll around as I headed to bed. In the morning I woke with the following knowing … I just need to be me. I just need to love me and everything will happen as it is supposed to happen. 

Ultimately I know in my heart that is the only way I thrive and feel good is when I show up as me. Not everyone is going to see me and that’s okay because the tribe for me to play with will always show up to play. They may come from different groups and some will meld and some will move on but it is all okay. What I learned from this last bout of feeling like I don’t belong is it’s okay. The important part is to be 100% me and love me. When that happens the tribe comes in and the fun is so amazing. So here is to just be you and allow the right tribe to come into your life. Leave me a note and let me know if this resonated with you because if it did chances are you are probably part of my tribe. 

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