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Words

November 16, 2020

Do you ever have words that float through your mind? I do. It happens quite frequently actually. It’s the words that waft through that are the ones of particular interest to me as these are the ones that are coming from my inner knowing, my inner self. You may have experienced them as words, a feeling, a picture that floats through. We all have them and they appear to us the way we can receive and interpret them. The words that have been floating through for me lately are desires, adventure, and badass. Probably not what you thought I was going to write.

These words are there, I believe because I have been stuck in an old pattern. The little girl me that still lives inside (as she does for all of us) has been stamping her feet. Last Wednesday in a conversation with my wonderful Naturopathic Doctor the beautiful Dr. Sarah Hawthorn I said to her … “I need your help. I need to make a change because it’s time, but my little girl inside is screaming … ‘why do I always have to give things up … what about me.’” We chatted and I realized my little girl just wanted to be heard. She wanted me to acknowledge there is a part inside me that wanted to stamp its feet and have its way. I allowed it to wash through in the conversation and when I left Dr. Hawthorn’s office I had a plan. We structured a plan that gave my mind peace and yet were steps toward the future. After that those three words above started to pop into my consciousness daily. When that happens I know I’m onto something.

Two days after my appointment with Dr. Hawthorn I attended a webinar. One of the concepts that came out of it was, stop apologizing for your desires and your desires/dreams need to be big and audacious. Hmm … another spin on desires and at the same time I knew adventure fit into this and then it hit me. I’ve been sitting in a bit of a holding pattern in this whole COVID time. I have been keeping safe which is important but the way I was doing it was allowing the shadows of smallness to creep in. Hence why big and audacious desires came forward. But the reason for adventure is because instead of living the adventure of life I was letting life just bump along. So I started putting something in that is adventurous each day. This can be so many things because really for me it is something I want to do that’s out of the routine I have been holding myself to and yet it makes my heart sing. My goal this week is to make sure I leave the house a minimum of three times for something other than an appointment or going to the grocery store. And each time I go out, I’ve decided to make a point of taking in all the beauty surrounding me.

Badass is a word that some might think inappropriate or harsh or not very ladylike but for me, it is my rebel inside. You see I have one of those for sure. She is the one that rides a motorcycle and sings to the cows in farmer’s fields. She is the one that dances in a store to a great song. She is the one that drives a car that lights her up. She is the one that laughs out loud and doesn’t care what others think. You could say she is my carefree spirit inside that likes to play and have fun. I realized about a month ago that I was holding her back from being seen too much. I was having a conversation with a gorgeous woman and during it, she said … “I had no idea you were a badass. I’ve only ever seen the sweet Angela.” I was amazed to hear this and it hit me, the shadow of smallness was only stepping aside on occasion for all of me to shine. Since then I have been making more of a concerted effort to diminish the shadow of smallness. Probably why those three words have been popping up.

I leave you with this thought … try every day to take even five minutes of quiet to allow your mind not to be processing everything. Just let it be still. It will be difficult at first but you will get there if you keep trying. When all the hurried frantic thoughts pop in just let them go and listen to your breath … breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out. When I get quiet the great words like the ones I’ve mentioned come in and play. To me, these are the action words because they pull you forward to take a step but a step built on action forward instead of a step in place. Our lives are meant to be a journey, an adventure that is full of our desires, and you need to allow your badass to play so that you are living with your carefree and sweet beautiful spirit entwined.

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